Friday, April 9, 2010

Walk The Line

Disclaimer: This post targets girls for simplicity's (and perhaps stereotype's) sake but swap "girl" and "boy," and the philosophy applies the same.

Girl friend versus girlfriend. Sounds the same and almost looks the same, but one small punctuation difference is all the difference to turn great girl friends into Godzilla girlfriends.

Let me paint you a picture. Girl is talking to Friend and Boyfriend:

Girl (G): How come you didn't call yesterday?
Friend: Sorry, I got slammed at work and wasn't able to.
G: That's OK. Hope work calmed down.

G: How come you didn't call yesterday?
Boyfriend (B): Sorry, I got slammed at work and wasn't able to.
G: Why didn't you call to tell me that?
B: ...Because I was slammed at work.
G: It would have taken five seconds to call to tell me that you're busy. I would have understood.
B: I'm telling you now. I didn't think it would be a big deal if we just talked today.
G: Well, I would have appreciated the heads-up. I was waiting for you when I could have done something else.
B: It's OK if we don't talk every day.
G: Do you not like talking to me?
B: That's not what I said.
G: Then are you going to call tonight?

I'm aware that there's a sense of entitlement that separates relationships from friendships. My question is why. Why are relationships held to such a different set of standards than that which has made for successful friendships?

I imagine everyone would benefit from the girlfriend who embodies girl friend behaviors -- the boy who learns to not fear commitment. The girl who learns to not sweat the small stuff. The friends who learn that being around a couple won't mean a "third wheel" situation that makes filing taxes sound more appealing.

It's a fine line but a line when walked, may steer clear of cracks and build a relationship based on something stronger than the adrenaline of drama, games and sex -- friendship.

2 comments:

Joanne Y. said...

sometimes the small things matter (to me, it's all the time). and if everyone was fine with a girl friend or boy friend, then there isn't a point for gf/bf, no? we'd just ask for friends + fbs.

Angela said...

oh god that was scary. I've had that EXACT conversation with Ilya. The difference is that my gf's don't do that to me alllll the time and also I'm not considering whether they might be a partner for life.