Time

Time -- friend or foe of a healing heart?

Friend. When reason erodes to emotion, justifications sound like tracks on a broken record and you've lost your way down memory lane, know that time will relieve you. One day you'll outgrow this helpless state of mind, and you'll have time to thank.

Foe. The delayed gratification time promises means nothing in the present. Tell the one drowning in emotion, repeating broken justifications and lost down memory lane that at some indefinite time in the future, you'll be better...but for now, get comfortable. All you can do is wait.

Perhaps that makes time the greatest frenemy you'll ever know. For better or worse, it's all you have.

Walk The Line

Disclaimer: This post targets girls for simplicity's (and perhaps stereotype's) sake but swap "girl" and "boy," and the philosophy applies the same.

Girl friend versus girlfriend. Sounds the same and almost looks the same, but one small punctuation difference is all the difference to turn great girl friends into Godzilla girlfriends.

Let me paint you a picture. Girl is talking to Friend and Boyfriend:

Girl (G): How come you didn't call yesterday?
Friend: Sorry, I got slammed at work and wasn't able to.
G: That's OK. Hope work calmed down.

G: How come you didn't call yesterday?
Boyfriend (B): Sorry, I got slammed at work and wasn't able to.
G: Why didn't you call to tell me that?
B: ...Because I was slammed at work.
G: It would have taken five seconds to call to tell me that you're busy. I would have understood.
B: I'm telling you now. I didn't think it would be a big deal if we just talked today.
G: Well, I would have appreciated the heads-up. I was waiting for you when I could have done something else.
B: It's OK if we don't talk every day.
G: Do you not like talking to me?
B: That's not what I said.
G: Then are you going to call tonight?

I'm aware that there's a sense of entitlement that separates relationships from friendships. My question is why. Why are relationships held to such a different set of standards than that which has made for successful friendships?

I imagine everyone would benefit from the girlfriend who embodies girl friend behaviors -- the boy who learns to not fear commitment. The girl who learns to not sweat the small stuff. The friends who learn that being around a couple won't mean a "third wheel" situation that makes filing taxes sound more appealing.

It's a fine line but a line when walked, may steer clear of cracks and build a relationship based on something stronger than the adrenaline of drama, games and sex -- friendship.

Beauty And The Beast

I'm honestly not trying to be mean when I say, have you ever seen an attractive girl with a not-so-attractive guy and wondered, "Why...?" If we tend to gravitate toward people who, on a scale of 1-10, are two points away either way, why is a girl who's, say, an 8, with a guy who's a 3?

Good-looking girls go for good-looking guys. Plain and simple. You find me an attractive girl who says she isn't into looks at all, and I'll tell you she's ordered a tall glass of "I'm lying through my teeth" and you're drinking right out of it if you believe her.

So why are there 8s with 3s? My theory is because these girls are done. Done with the jerks who think they can get away with anything. Done with being hurt so many times that the girl who once wouldn't settle is, well, settling. Not to a bad 3 but to the realization that there doesn't exist a good guy who has the looks to match, a notion the rest of us have yet to discover as we still cling desperately to the contrary.

Nice guys may finish last, but they end up with the gold. Right?

What Goes Around Comes Around

I'm not that superstitious, but there are a few harmless things I'll do for fun. When I go through a tunnel, I'll hold my breath and make a wish. When all digits of the time are the same (e.g. 11:11), I'll make a wish. (See a pattern?) I don't really believe my wishes will come true, but it's fun to hope they might.

There's one thing I do believe in, though, and that's karma. How I think about and treat others has often circled back to how I'm thought about and treated. Sometimes it's a blessing, sometimes it's a big bite in the butt.

So if karma doesn't fail to deliver (and it rarely does), I can't help but wonder...what if the reason I find roadblocks in my love life is because I've roadblocked guys in their love lives? In my defense, most of the guys were by no means datable, but what goes around comes around...right?

Update: I'm beginning to believe in irony, too.